Tuesday, January 7, 2014

A Bitter Sweet Goodbye

By complete accident...I landed a boyfriend and am currently on lock down.  How this happened, I'm still not sure. No idea. No clue. What.The. Fuck.

Obviously everyone knows I have been on online dating websites for the better half of 2013.  What was I looking for? Who the hell knows...I wasn't really loooooking for anything in particular besides meeting new people and understanding who I am and what I am really looking for in a long term man friend. Over the past several months I certainly discovered what I DON'T want.  In fact, I didn't really ever meet anyone that I could see myself with long term, hence why the longest I talked to a few guys was 3 dates...then I cut it off.  What's the point in continuing if it wasn't going anywhere and I was already looking forward to the next boy?

Yes....I said that.  Me.  The next boy.  There was always a next boy.

A few friends and I came up with a nickname to describe myself the past few months:  BBW Player. HA! Not like I was seriously dating multiple guys at once (I would never do that), but I def was "talking" to multiple guys at once...and I was loving every second of it. :)  I don't regret it and I always told myself that if any of them were right for me that I wouldn't feel the need to talk to anyone else.

Which brings me to my current situation.

I was on Plenty of Fish (POF, best dating website in my opinion), and I was meeting a lot a lot a lot of guys.  Good quality ones too, not so much the loserish types from previous sites. I was having a lot of fun and just going out and dating boys and loving it.  I then started talking to this one guy and we had everything in common.  I was really excited to meet him but I kept pushing it back and delaying the first date.  Mostly because I was still talking to other guys and I wanted to eliminate them before starting anything new with this great new one.  So that's what I did.  I met the others just because I don't everrrr want to think "what if I did meet _ _ _ _, I wonder what would have happened..." so I made sure to meet them all before meeting the great amazing one.  So once I got all the other ones out of the way, I was ready for our first date.

Our first date lasted 8 hours and ended at 3am.  It consisted of dinner and Xbox One playing.  Ummm I instantly knew that I would be seeing him again when he handed me my very own Xbox One controller that he bought just for me.  No one has ever done anything sweet for me and his sweetness just blew my mind.  The fact that my water glass always has to be full while I'm at his house and he always has one waiting for me...the best thing ever.  He's amazing, pretty much my perfect man friend.  We have almost everything in common (I'm sorry, but I hate Doctor Who and I don't want to watch another episode of that...ever).  He's 6'4", has a southern accent, wears chuck taylors, plays bass guitar, is in the military and loves soccer.  I have so much fun while I'm with him and I miss him when I'm not around him.  I hold his hand all the time without thinking twice.  Who am I?  I'm a girl who has let every wall down and is terrified and excited to see where this all goes.  Everything is happening so fast.

But...you know when you know.

With that being said, I do not think it's appropriate to keep going with this blog.  It was a short lived project and I really enjoyed sharing my stories with everyone.  I'm sad that it is coming to an end but I'm so excited with the new beginning I've started with someone amazing.

If you still want to keep up with my life, my weightloss blog will always be there...Beautiful Chunk.


Monday, January 6, 2014

Hand Holding: Ewww

I never used to be like this.  I used to love all the mushy stuff that came along with dating.  The "I miss you" texts, PDA, the kisses, the hand holding.

I'm not sure what my turning point was...most likely it was ending a 3 year long relationship and putting up a huge wall to keep out all intimacy and become emotionless when it came to the opposite sex.  At that time I wanted to be single and find happiness within myself before moving on and dating someone new.  So that's what happened.  I stopped looking for a boy to love and focused on loving myself.

When I finally was ready to date I still kept my walls up.  I took everything for what it was.  Whether it was a boy to hang out with, be friends with, waste a Friday night with or just text with, I did it all emotionless.  Of course there were exceptions to this.  I did develop feelings for one guy during this time...but for the most part I didn't let anyone in and morphed into a girl I've never been before.

Kissing was emotionless and dates were just something to do.  To me kissing a guy was like shaking their hand, it was meaningless affection.  So here is where it gets weird.

Hand holding.

I do not hold hands with guys. I refuse to.  If a guy tried to hold my hand on a first date, I would freak out and take my hand away.  I would usually laugh at them and say "I don't do that" and then continue making out with them. Ummmm what? Hot mess.

Just a normal convo with my Mom haha
Also, I sometimes get ghetto as a joke.
I wouldn't normally say "ain't nobody"

At least twice I was hooking up with someone and while things were happening they grabbed my hand to hold it.  I freaked and ran away from the situation.  WHY?  Mostly because I wanted to be emotionless and holding hands for me is very intimate.  If I hold your hand then I realllllly like you which means my walls are coming down and I'm more susceptible to getting hurt.  If I have written you off as something that will never be serious, then don't try to hold my hand or I will run away from you.  Which has happened countless times.

I'm not the only person who has this opinion!  Who remembers Samantha from Sex and the City?? She didn't want to hold Smith's hand for the same reasons!

So what now?  Basically, I still feel the same way. Hand holding is something intimate that should be shared with someone you have feelings for.  If you go around holding everyone's hand than it becomes a norm and that's not my style.  I want it to be special and have meaning.  People think I'm weird because I would always say "OMG he tried to hold my hand!!! Ewwww" but that's just how I am.  Maybe it is weird, but it's me.

Recently I've found someone worth holding hands with, and we do it all the time and it's fabulous. I'm so glad that I limited my hand holding in the past, it just makes it so much more special now that I waaant to hold someones hand.  More on that to come. :)

Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Message Shaming Monday!!! A day late...

I know I'm a day late...but here it is..

The actual message this person sent isn't bad...the bad part is his username.  I had to crop it out but it was something along the lines of DexterMorgan#.  Since I just started obsessing over the show Dexter, I thought this was an appropriate MSM post for the week. If you don't know who Dexter Morgan is...he is the main character from the show Dexter.  She show about a serial killer who kills random people for fun.  Ummmmmmm what?  You pick that as your username? Yeah...

See ya never. 

Monday, December 23, 2013

Message Shaming Monday!!

I don't have any words for this one...well...maybe just one word:


Wednesday, December 18, 2013

The One with the Dick Pic

Unfortunately for single girls these days, dick pics are more common than a sweet good morning text.  Aren't we lucky. It seems like the advancement of technology is directly related to the increase of perviness of the male species.  Dick pics for everyone! Wow, what a win for us ladies.

So here's one of my dick pic stories...

It was a Friday night and I was very excited to meet a boy from POF that I have been talking to for a few weeks.  We had that perfect personality connection and I was very anxious to see if that connection carried over to face to face interaction.  He was the perfect gentleman and actually did send me good morning texts (that's rare).  Well we had plans to meet at 9ish but a location was not determined.  I got all dolled up and at about 8:30 I texted him to see where we would meet.  No response.  I waited until 9 before I gave him a call.  No response.  What was going on?  Was he seriously standing me up?  With every minute that went by I was getting closer and closer to tears. At 10pm I realized that I was getting stood up.  Instantly I was upset and began to cry, this has never happened to me before.  Ever.  It was humiliating and I couldn't understand why someone would do this to me.

As I was crying in my living room decked out in my cutest outfit and sexiest heels, I received a new message on POF from a new boy.  I was so mad and upset that of course I checked it right away.  Here is how the conversation went...

What are the odds right? We both got cancelled on/stood up and were all dressed up with nowhere to go.  It's not really my thing to go out with a guy I've only talked to for...10 minutes, but being that my motto is do it for the story, I figured...why not?  I looked cute, he was cute...could be fun and I def needed to be cheered up.

So we met at a bar for a few drinks and when I first met him I was very attracted to him.  He was very cute, funny, smart, well spoken, great background story.  Pretty much good on paper with looks to back him up.  I was flirty, confident and very comfortable with him.  A few hours and a lot of drinks later it was time to go home.  There is always that awkward moment after a date when you go to say goodbye and I always try to avoid it.  Especially on a first date...I don't want to kiss you.  So I just hugged him and walked away to my car.  As I was walking to my car I received a text, it was him. I was like awww he probably sent me a text saying how much fun he had!  Because come on...it was fun!

But no...it was....wait for it...a picture of his dick with a message that read:

After drinks party?

Are. You. Kidding. Me?  I saw this and instantly laughed out loud and threw my phone.  I was livid. I just sat there for a minute trying to decide what I wanted to do.  I was just so upset that after a long string of bad dates I finally had a really great one...and then it was ruined.  Of course I didn't want an after drinks party but I had to say something.  So I grabbed my phone and texted him back..."not my style."  A few minutes later I was still SO angry that I just went off on him.  Our conversation went a little like this:

Me: Are you f*cking kiiiiding me? Why did you send me that?  I thought you were one of the good ones, I actually liked you.
Him: I thought you hated me and had an awful time.
Me: You thought I hated you so you just assumed I would jump on your dick? Because that makes complete sense.
Him: It's my defense mechanism...I know girls hate that stuff so it was kind of like a "f*ck you" for not liking me.
Me: Us girls go through enough, there are so many pervs out there that we don't need nice guys being them too.  I thought you were different, clearly I was wrong.

So that was that. He then apologized a million times and felt bad for sending it to me, as he should.  Lucky for him I'm laid back and I was able to look past it.  He asked if he could make it up to me by taking me out again, I accepted.  Ummm FYI this is Boy #1 from the previous posts haha. So obviously I did go out with him 2 more times...but still, this was not acceptable.

And the sad thing is...he is probably still sending out that pic and there are girls out there that do attend that after drinks party.


Side note:  the boy who stood me up texted me at 1:30 am saying he fell asleep, he was Boy #2.

Hot mess, glad they were both kicked to the curb.

Monday, December 16, 2013

Message Shaming Monday!

This Monday's message shaming wasn't originally planned and I had no intentions in shaming this adorably nerdy kid.  However...I just received the same exact message from him on Friday, which warrants a shaming. If a girl doesn't respond to you the first time...please don't send her the same exact message a month later...

For those of you who don't get it, expelliarmus is a term from Harry Potter...
The Disarming Charm, also known as the Expelliarmus Spell or Disarming Spell (Expelliarmus) was a defensive charm which forced the victim to release whatever they were holding at the time, and sometimes block spells, usually against his or her will. It is common to see this spell used in duels, to make an opponent release their wand.

So originally I thought this message was adorably unique and nerdy cute, but then he sent it again and it ruined everything. C'mon kid...what the hell.

I didn't respond either time.

Thursday, December 12, 2013

Boy #1 and Boy #2 Update: Back to the Drawing Board

No, I can't.  I just...can't.

Obviously I have had a busy week and a few things have happened.

I would like to announce that I am no longer talking to Boy #1 and will be breaking it off with Boy #2 as soon as possible. And guess what? I don't even feel bad about it. Not one bit.

Boy #1 is such a tool bag douche and there were SO many red flags that he shouldn't have even gotten a 2nd date, let alone a 3rd!  I never really thought he was a "nice guy" but more of an asshole that had his sweet moments...and a pre-med class schedule, let's be honest.  Sometimes I can ignore assholeness if they are also sweet, but not in this instance.  Basically the straw that broke the dick bags back came on Sunday night.  We were texting back and forth which was always a chore with him (Side note: Boys, if you are sending 4 texts in a row without a response...just stop). Anyways, we were talking and on our last date he found out about my weightloss blog but I wouldn't tell him the name of it.  Obviously I had my reasons and the main reason being that blog is linked to this one and he would find out that I am talking some major trash on him...can't have that now can we?  Long story short all weekend he was asking me about my blog and I kept saying no no no.  Well...he decided to flip out on me calling me a child and that I was being ridiculous. Ummmm ok...see ya never. I quickly put a stop to that situation and told him I was done and to go away.  So Boy #1 eliminated.

I hung out with Boy #2 last night and things were going great at first!  He took the train to NJ from Philly and that meant a lot to me.  Which...um...hello...a boy taking a 20 minute train to NJ to see me should not mean a lot to me but it does because all the other guys in my life have been awful. Wow, damaged goods?  Anyways, I was really excited to see him, I haven't seen him in a week and a half and I was really starting to miss him (gross).  The beginning of the night was great! We watched a movie at my place and I even let him cuddle and kiss me...ugh...he kept trying to hold my hand too, which I kept declining (that will need to be a blog post on its own).  Things were fine...until we went to bed.  Let's just say that a few things happened on my DO NOT DO EVER (!!!!!) list and I no longer like him.  I will not go into detail due to the fact that this is not the appropriate outlet for such details (read: my sister reads this) but if you're dying to know...email me/tweet me and I will tell you. I did always say that I could not date this boy long term so I guess I'm not that surprised that I'm ready to end it only after a month.  Bummer.

How do I end it? Be honest? Avoid all contact? Ignore his calls/texts? He texted me this morning 30 minutes after I saw him and I have not yet responded. I don't know what to say.  I don't want to hurt his feelings but I guess that's just what happens when you're dating the wrong person, someone is bound to get hurt.

So here I am...back to the drawing board.  I have a date tonight with a new guy so I'm looking forward to that.  Hopefully he has a car and doesn't end the night by sending me a dick pic (yes, that happened).  One can dream right?